my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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