No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
birth control should be required to get into college
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
