it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
