guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
