My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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