I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
