I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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