# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
