I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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