If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
