Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
