Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
