So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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