i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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