SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is her dick bigger than yours?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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