I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
