You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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