After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
