You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
