You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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