I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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