we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
