No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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