I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize