i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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