I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
