Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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