Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
