I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
