R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize