Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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