it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
