I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
