i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
