Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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