I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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