She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
