I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
