Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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