God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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