I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
