If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
