How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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