Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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