I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
