im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
