I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
