1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
