Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
