i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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