she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
