I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
