is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
