worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
