dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
