thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
