He told me they were just razor bumps!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I need a beard to bite.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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