Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
