You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize