I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
