Kiss
Puke
You work out of a Hotel?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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