can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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