Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize