he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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