i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
