Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
