Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
