You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
