I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
