I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
