so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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