sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
