For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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