I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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