My nipple is on Facebook.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dick very happy bro
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
