apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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