I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
