he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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