There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
two words...techno handjob
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
