when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
