I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
fuck your aforementioned shoe
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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