Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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