the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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